Men and their money became a subject of study for me after many years of dating and many years in the work force and, more importantly, after many years of having male friends.
It took many years to understand how men value money. It took a few more years to learn how men value their friendships with women. Then, after one male friend, I vowed to never "maintain" a friendship with men again. I learned that my male friends were even cheaper with me than my boyfriends.
Differences Between Men and Women
My understanding about men and the differences between men and women, took me many years to fully comprehend. I grew up in an age when men and women were just starting to be friends which did not imply also being lovers. Friends were friends. Many years ago, I believed that men and women could be friends and, therefore, did not have to be sexually involved to be supportive of one another. I believed they could be friends and, thus, not lovers. Friends meant companion in arms willing to share every day struggles and rewards.
My friendships with men typically developed through mutual acquaintances, men from work or men that I had dated but never quite made it to a romantic encounter with. They were the ones I enjoyed being with, but not the ones I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. They were the men I was intellectually compatible with, but not necessarily socially compatible with. These feelings were often true for them as well as me. We just hadn't connected at all levels.
I also tended to become friends with a few chosen men after one or the other of us found ourselves on the losing end of a previously romantic relationship and, therefore, we were more interested in mending a broken heart than starting a new flame. We commiserated and talked about our past relationships with members of the opposite sex, probably as a way to heal our wounds or as an attempt to understand where we had failed so we might do better the next time. We shared details about our past experiences, our past relationships and our hopes for a better future. I thought we were compatriots in the search for self. I have since learned this is not the case.
Friendships and Money
I have since learned that even in platonic relationships, men associate money with everything. They define themselves with it and it shows by how much money they spend on themselves and on others. It is easy to discover how high one ranks in a relationship with a man based on how much money he spends on the relationship. This is easy to understand when dating a man; it shows by how much he spends on dinner. It is easy to understand as a wife; it shows by how much he spends on the wife compared to how much he spends on himself. It took me longer to understand how men use money with their female friends.
Men understand this is relation to other men and they understand it in relation to women. The problem is that the women have a different understanding of how men value money and, therefore, how men spend or share their money to define how important someone is to them.
Men, for example, will buy their male friends a beer to show how much they care. They will buy them a ticket to a football game if they consider them their best friend. They will bring a six-pack of beer when they arrive at a male friend's house, but never bring a bunch of flowers when they visit a female friend - even when they are arriving for a free, home-cooked meal. They will buy dinner for a male friend, but only go "Dutch-treat" with a female friend. They are careful not to give a romantic gift to a female friend. Men rarely give gifts that go beyond bringing the bottle of wine to dinner or a six-pack of beer for an unannounced visit. The beer is for them. This is done on the assumption that I do not have their favorite brand stocked in my refrigerator when they choose to stop by and share their current girlfriend problems with me. It never occurs to them to bring me my favorite beverage. It never occurs to them to buy me dinner, just so they can talk. The men I have been friends with have been particularly careful to avoid ever buying me a gift. One male friend was even so rude as to borrow money from me to take a woman he had just met out on a date. He was interested in her and, therefore, wanted to impress her. He needed my money to do it. Yet, this same "friend" had never taken me to dinner despite the many years I had known him and the many meals I had cooked for him.
After acquiring a quick loan from me, this particular "friend" called me to let me know how his Saturday-night date had gone. He was a talker and did most of the talking every time we met or he telephoned. He talked all night, all day and called several times a day to - talk. Sometimes, he called me five times a day just to keep me informed about his day.
One day, he called to tell me about the "wild weekend" he had spent frolicking around his bedroom with the girl he took out to dinner. He talked for hours telling me about how the dinner date turned into an all weekend event. I heard about how pretty she was, how old she was, how many siblings she had and even how good she was in bed. He was quite enamored with this particular female and their many hours in his bedroom. He spent an entire evening telling me all about it. He was a little low on cash following his divorce and this was the first woman he had taken out since his wife left him. This is why he needed a loan. He had been spending most weekends with me talking about his ex-wife while I cooked him dinner and rented a movie for us to watch. The new woman was now the topic of conversation, instead of the ex-wife. I was happy for him. It wasn't until many months later, when I needed to borrow money from him, that I understood the difference between how men value relationships with women compared to how women value relationships with men.
Borrows but Refuses to Loan
It was months later before I really understood the truth about this particular male friend. It happened when I called to borrow gas money, pending receipt of an unemployment check which was when I had planned to pay him back. While on the telephone, he questioned why I needed it and proceeded to tell me that he was too busy to help me out because he was taking his "girlfriend" to the grocery store. The new "girlfriend" was the same woman he had borrowed money from me to take to dinner and the same woman he had spent the wild weekend in bed with. After he learned that I was calling to borrow a couple of bucks, he told me that this wasn't a good time to call and asked me to call him later. He was even so arrogant as to suggest that I might be more frugal with my expenses.
Cheap Advice
His suggestion that I might be more frugal with my expenses was the last straw. It was the last straw because these words were from the same man who used to spend most weekends with me eating my home-cooked meals, watching movies I had rented and going home with "care packages" I had prepared. He used to cry on my shoulder about his divorce. I heard every story about his marriage, his divorce, he previous wife and even all former girlfriends. I knew everything about him. I had even heard all of his stories than most wives hear from their husbands. This was the same man who could out-talk any woman I have ever met. However, now that he had a new "girlfriend," he was too busy to talk. He was escorting her to the grocery store. How nice. He never escorted me to the grocery store.
Post-Divorce Behavior
Now, months later, after his divorce was final and he had a new girlfriend and a new job, he no longer had time for me. He was no longer in need of my friendship and even went so far as to give me monetary advice. Previously, he was quite interested in moving in with me to become my new roommate when he was facing homelessness; yet, years later, when I needed a place to stay, he wouldn't even let me into his apartment. His explanation for this particular change of behavior was because, as he explained, he "didn't think his preacher would approve of a single female in his apartment." He had found Jesus.
I was astonished and angry. This was a man I met at work. We had shared similar jobs and had worked at the same company. He used to call me more often than a telemarketing professional trying to make a sale. Furthermore, he was the one who did all of the talking. This was before he met and married his second wife. I was the "friend" he searched for after the second wife sent him packing. I was the friend who listened to his stories, listened to him cry, listened to him. I was the friend who was there for him. I was the friend who invited him over for a home-cooked meal, a shoulder to lean on and someone who would listen to the same sob stories time and time again.
Yet, this is now the same person who wouldn't let me into his apartment when I had previously been there several times before. I was even the one who rearranged his living room furniture for him when he had to replace the marital house with a one-bedroom apartment. He was overwhelmed with the new place and just couldn't cope with the thought of where to put his furniture. I understood. I helped him arrange his furniture, waited while he hooked up his television and tried to make the new apartment feel like home. He was devastated. I understood. I helped. I consoled. I was there for him. Needless to say, he and I are no longer friends.
Friendship Ends
After my friendship with this man ended, I vowed to never have another male friend. I was tired of listening to their whining about their broken marriage only to watch them spread their wings with the next new flame. I wasn't jealous of their relationships with other women because I had not wanted a romantic relationship with them in the first place. I grew tired of hearing their stories while still doing all the cooking. Yet, when they got back on their feet, they always found money to take a new woman on a date, but still too cheap to buy me a meal or thank me for the effort I spent to help them heal. They didn't want me to get the impression they were dating me, so they were careful to explain that if we went to dinner together, I had to pay my own way. It wasn't so much a matter of money; it was a matter of appearance. They didn't want to lead me on. Separate checks meant separate lives.
My male friendships seem to end when they no longer need a friend. They never worry that I might need a friend. My male friends quickly disappear after they find a "friend" who will give them "benefits." The new female friend usually provides the sexual benefits of the relationship and, hence, ranks higher on the scale of priorities as to where he will spend his time and money.
The moral of the story, it seems, is that men and women cannot really be friends. They think differently with competing interests. Without a romantic or sexual motivation, most men are content with the emotional support they get while male-bonding at work and, thus, time and money are once again the scales used to determine if the relationship has more value than the time spent to nurture it. There is always a costs/benefits analysis to every relationship.
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It took many years to understand how men value money. It took a few more years to learn how men value their friendships with women. Then, after one male friend, I vowed to never "maintain" a friendship with men again. I learned that my male friends were even cheaper with me than my boyfriends.
Differences Between Men and Women
My understanding about men and the differences between men and women, took me many years to fully comprehend. I grew up in an age when men and women were just starting to be friends which did not imply also being lovers. Friends were friends. Many years ago, I believed that men and women could be friends and, therefore, did not have to be sexually involved to be supportive of one another. I believed they could be friends and, thus, not lovers. Friends meant companion in arms willing to share every day struggles and rewards.
My friendships with men typically developed through mutual acquaintances, men from work or men that I had dated but never quite made it to a romantic encounter with. They were the ones I enjoyed being with, but not the ones I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. They were the men I was intellectually compatible with, but not necessarily socially compatible with. These feelings were often true for them as well as me. We just hadn't connected at all levels.
I also tended to become friends with a few chosen men after one or the other of us found ourselves on the losing end of a previously romantic relationship and, therefore, we were more interested in mending a broken heart than starting a new flame. We commiserated and talked about our past relationships with members of the opposite sex, probably as a way to heal our wounds or as an attempt to understand where we had failed so we might do better the next time. We shared details about our past experiences, our past relationships and our hopes for a better future. I thought we were compatriots in the search for self. I have since learned this is not the case.
Friendships and Money
I have since learned that even in platonic relationships, men associate money with everything. They define themselves with it and it shows by how much money they spend on themselves and on others. It is easy to discover how high one ranks in a relationship with a man based on how much money he spends on the relationship. This is easy to understand when dating a man; it shows by how much he spends on dinner. It is easy to understand as a wife; it shows by how much he spends on the wife compared to how much he spends on himself. It took me longer to understand how men use money with their female friends.
Men understand this is relation to other men and they understand it in relation to women. The problem is that the women have a different understanding of how men value money and, therefore, how men spend or share their money to define how important someone is to them.
Men, for example, will buy their male friends a beer to show how much they care. They will buy them a ticket to a football game if they consider them their best friend. They will bring a six-pack of beer when they arrive at a male friend's house, but never bring a bunch of flowers when they visit a female friend - even when they are arriving for a free, home-cooked meal. They will buy dinner for a male friend, but only go "Dutch-treat" with a female friend. They are careful not to give a romantic gift to a female friend. Men rarely give gifts that go beyond bringing the bottle of wine to dinner or a six-pack of beer for an unannounced visit. The beer is for them. This is done on the assumption that I do not have their favorite brand stocked in my refrigerator when they choose to stop by and share their current girlfriend problems with me. It never occurs to them to bring me my favorite beverage. It never occurs to them to buy me dinner, just so they can talk. The men I have been friends with have been particularly careful to avoid ever buying me a gift. One male friend was even so rude as to borrow money from me to take a woman he had just met out on a date. He was interested in her and, therefore, wanted to impress her. He needed my money to do it. Yet, this same "friend" had never taken me to dinner despite the many years I had known him and the many meals I had cooked for him.
After acquiring a quick loan from me, this particular "friend" called me to let me know how his Saturday-night date had gone. He was a talker and did most of the talking every time we met or he telephoned. He talked all night, all day and called several times a day to - talk. Sometimes, he called me five times a day just to keep me informed about his day.
One day, he called to tell me about the "wild weekend" he had spent frolicking around his bedroom with the girl he took out to dinner. He talked for hours telling me about how the dinner date turned into an all weekend event. I heard about how pretty she was, how old she was, how many siblings she had and even how good she was in bed. He was quite enamored with this particular female and their many hours in his bedroom. He spent an entire evening telling me all about it. He was a little low on cash following his divorce and this was the first woman he had taken out since his wife left him. This is why he needed a loan. He had been spending most weekends with me talking about his ex-wife while I cooked him dinner and rented a movie for us to watch. The new woman was now the topic of conversation, instead of the ex-wife. I was happy for him. It wasn't until many months later, when I needed to borrow money from him, that I understood the difference between how men value relationships with women compared to how women value relationships with men.
Borrows but Refuses to Loan
It was months later before I really understood the truth about this particular male friend. It happened when I called to borrow gas money, pending receipt of an unemployment check which was when I had planned to pay him back. While on the telephone, he questioned why I needed it and proceeded to tell me that he was too busy to help me out because he was taking his "girlfriend" to the grocery store. The new "girlfriend" was the same woman he had borrowed money from me to take to dinner and the same woman he had spent the wild weekend in bed with. After he learned that I was calling to borrow a couple of bucks, he told me that this wasn't a good time to call and asked me to call him later. He was even so arrogant as to suggest that I might be more frugal with my expenses.
Cheap Advice
His suggestion that I might be more frugal with my expenses was the last straw. It was the last straw because these words were from the same man who used to spend most weekends with me eating my home-cooked meals, watching movies I had rented and going home with "care packages" I had prepared. He used to cry on my shoulder about his divorce. I heard every story about his marriage, his divorce, he previous wife and even all former girlfriends. I knew everything about him. I had even heard all of his stories than most wives hear from their husbands. This was the same man who could out-talk any woman I have ever met. However, now that he had a new "girlfriend," he was too busy to talk. He was escorting her to the grocery store. How nice. He never escorted me to the grocery store.
Post-Divorce Behavior
Now, months later, after his divorce was final and he had a new girlfriend and a new job, he no longer had time for me. He was no longer in need of my friendship and even went so far as to give me monetary advice. Previously, he was quite interested in moving in with me to become my new roommate when he was facing homelessness; yet, years later, when I needed a place to stay, he wouldn't even let me into his apartment. His explanation for this particular change of behavior was because, as he explained, he "didn't think his preacher would approve of a single female in his apartment." He had found Jesus.
I was astonished and angry. This was a man I met at work. We had shared similar jobs and had worked at the same company. He used to call me more often than a telemarketing professional trying to make a sale. Furthermore, he was the one who did all of the talking. This was before he met and married his second wife. I was the "friend" he searched for after the second wife sent him packing. I was the friend who listened to his stories, listened to him cry, listened to him. I was the friend who was there for him. I was the friend who invited him over for a home-cooked meal, a shoulder to lean on and someone who would listen to the same sob stories time and time again.
Yet, this is now the same person who wouldn't let me into his apartment when I had previously been there several times before. I was even the one who rearranged his living room furniture for him when he had to replace the marital house with a one-bedroom apartment. He was overwhelmed with the new place and just couldn't cope with the thought of where to put his furniture. I understood. I helped him arrange his furniture, waited while he hooked up his television and tried to make the new apartment feel like home. He was devastated. I understood. I helped. I consoled. I was there for him. Needless to say, he and I are no longer friends.
Friendship Ends
After my friendship with this man ended, I vowed to never have another male friend. I was tired of listening to their whining about their broken marriage only to watch them spread their wings with the next new flame. I wasn't jealous of their relationships with other women because I had not wanted a romantic relationship with them in the first place. I grew tired of hearing their stories while still doing all the cooking. Yet, when they got back on their feet, they always found money to take a new woman on a date, but still too cheap to buy me a meal or thank me for the effort I spent to help them heal. They didn't want me to get the impression they were dating me, so they were careful to explain that if we went to dinner together, I had to pay my own way. It wasn't so much a matter of money; it was a matter of appearance. They didn't want to lead me on. Separate checks meant separate lives.
My male friendships seem to end when they no longer need a friend. They never worry that I might need a friend. My male friends quickly disappear after they find a "friend" who will give them "benefits." The new female friend usually provides the sexual benefits of the relationship and, hence, ranks higher on the scale of priorities as to where he will spend his time and money.
The moral of the story, it seems, is that men and women cannot really be friends. They think differently with competing interests. Without a romantic or sexual motivation, most men are content with the emotional support they get while male-bonding at work and, thus, time and money are once again the scales used to determine if the relationship has more value than the time spent to nurture it. There is always a costs/benefits analysis to every relationship.
For the first time in Athens, Golden Diamond Escort escort agency offers you the opportunity to enjoy men escorts with a phone call.
MEN ESCORT
MEN ESCORT ATHENS
MEN ESCORTS
MEN ESCORTS ATHENS
MEN ESCORTS IN ATHENS
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